As it is as impossible for the humble historian of the March family
to write a story without theatricals in it as for our dear Miss Yonge
to get on with less than twelve or fourteen children in her
interesting tales, we will accept the fact, and at once cheer
ourselves after the last afflicting events, by proceeding to the
Christmas plays at Plumfield; for they influence the fate of several
of our characters, and cannot well be skipped.

When the college was built Mr Laurie added a charming little theatre
which not only served for plays, but declamations, lectures, and
concerts. The drop-curtain displayed Apollo with the Muses grouped
about him; and as a compliment to the donor of the hall the artist
had given the god a decided resemblance to our friend, which was
considered a superb joke by everyone else. Home talent furnished
stars, stock company, orchestra, and scene painter; and astonishing
performances were given on this pretty little stage.

Mrs Jo had been trying for some time to produce a play which should
be an improvement upon the adaptations from the French then in vogue,
curious mixtures of fine toilettes, false sentiment, and feeble wit,
with no touch of nature to redeem them. It was easy to plan plays
full of noble speeches and thrilling situations, but very hard to
write them; so she contented herself with a few scenes of humble life
in which the comic and pathetic were mingled; and as she fitted her
characters to her actors, she hoped the little venture would prove
that truth and simplicity had not entirely lost their power to charm.
Mr Laurie helped her, and they called themselves Beaumont and
Fletcher, enjoying their joint labour very much; for Beaumont’s
knowledge of dramatic art was of great use in curbing Fletcher’s
too-aspiring pen, and they flattered themselves that they had
produced a neat and effective bit of work as an experiment.

All was ready now; and Christmas Day was much enlivened by last
rehearsals, the panics of timid actors, the scramble for forgotten
properties, and the decoration of the theatre. Evergreen and holly
from the woods, blooming plants from the hothouse on Parnassus, and
flags of all nations made it very gay that night in honour of the
guests who were coming, chief among them, Miss Cameron, who kept her
promise faithfully. The orchestra tuned their instruments with
unusual care, the scene-shifters set their stage with lavish
elegance, the prompter heroically took his seat in the stifling nook
provided for him, and the actors dressed with trembling hands that
dropped the pins, and perspiring brows whereon the powder wouldn’t
stick. Beaumont and Fletcher were everywhere, feeling that their
literary reputation was at stake; for sundry friendly critics were
invited, and reporters, like mosquitoes, cannot be excluded from any
earthly scene, be it a great man’s death-bed or a dime museum.

‘Has she come?’ was the question asked by every tongue behind the
curtain; and when Tom, who played an old man, endangered his
respectable legs among the footlights to peep, announced that he saw
Miss Cameron’s handsome head in the place of honour, a thrill
pervaded the entire company, and Josie declared with an excited gasp
that she was going to have stage fright for the first time in her
life.

‘I’ll shake you if you do,’ said Mrs Jo, who was in such a wild state
of dishevelment with her varied labours that she might have gone on
as Madge Wildlife, without an additional rag or crazy elf-lock.

‘You’ll have time to get your wits together while we do our piece.
We are old stagers and calm as clocks,’ answered Demi, with a nod
towards Alice, ready in her pretty dress and all her properties at
hand.

But both clocks were going rather faster than usual, as heightened
colour, brilliant eyes, and a certain flutter under the laces and
velvet coat betrayed. They were to open the entertainment with a gay
little piece which they had played before and did remarkably well.
Alice was a tall girl, with dark hair and eyes, and a face which
intelligence, health, and a happy heart made beautiful. She was
looking her best now, for the brocades, plumes, and powder of the
Marquise became her stately figure; and Demi in his court suit, with
sword, three-cornered hat, and white wig, made as gallant a Baron as
one would wish to see. Josie was the maid, and looked her part to the
life, being as pretty, pert, and inquisitive as any French soubrette.
These three were all the characters; and the success of the piece
depended on the spirit and skill with which the quickly changing
moods of the quarrelsome lovers were given, their witty speeches made
to tell, and by-play suited to the courtly period in which the scene
was laid.

Few would have recognized sober John and studious Alice in the
dashing gentleman and coquettish lady, who kept the audience laughing
at their caprices; while they enjoyed the brilliant costumes, and
admired the ease and grace of the young actors. Josie was a
prominent figure in the plot, as she listened at keyholes, peeped
into notes, and popped in and out at all the most inopportune
moments, with her nose in the air, her hands in her apron-pockets,
and curiosity pervading her little figure from the topmost bow of her
jaunty cap to the red heels of her slippers. All went smoothly; and
the capricious Marquise, after tormenting the devoted Baron to her
heart’s content, owned herself conquered in the war of wits, and was
just offering the hand he had fairly won, when a crash startled them,
and a heavily decorated side-scene swayed forward, ready to fall upon
Alice. Demi saw it and sprung before her to catch and hold it up,
standing like a modern Samson with the wall of a house on his back.
The danger was over in a moment, and he was about to utter his last
speech, when the excited young scene-shifter, who had flown up a
ladder to repair the damage, leaned over to whisper ‘All right’, and
release Demi from his spread-eagle attitude: as he did so, a hammer
slipped out of his pocket, to fall upon the upturned face below,
inflicting a smart blow and literally knocking the Baron’s part out
of his head.

‘A quick curtain,’ robbed the audience of a pretty little scene not
down on the bill; for the Marquise flew to staunch the blood with a
cry of alarm: ‘Oh! John, you are hurt! Lean on me’ – which John gladly
did for a moment, being a trifle dazed yet quite able to enjoy the
tender touch of the hands busied about him and the anxiety of the
face so near his own; for both told him something which he would have
considered cheaply won by a rain of hammers and the fall of the whole
college on his head.

Nan was on the spot in a moment with the case that never left her
pocket; and the wound was neatly plastered up by the time Mrs Jo
arrived, demanding tragically:

‘Is he too much hurt to go on again? If he is, my play is lost!’

‘I’m all the fitter for it, Aunty; for here’s a real instead of a
painted wound. I’ll be ready; don’t worry about me.’ And catching up
his wig, Demi was off, with only a very eloquent look of thanks to
the Marquise, who had spoilt her gloves for his sake, but did not
seem to mind it at all, though they reached above her elbows, and
were most expensive.

‘How are your nerves, Fletcher?’ asked Mr Laurie as they stood
together during the breathless minute before the last bell rings.

‘About as calm as yours, Beaumont,’ answered Mrs Jo, gesticulating
wildly to Mrs Meg to set her cap straight.

‘Bear up, partner! I’ll stand by you whatever comes!’

‘I feel that it ought to go; for, though it’s a mere trifle, a good
deal of honest work and truth have gone into it. Doesn’t Meg look the
picture of a dear old country woman?’

She certainly did, as she sat in the farmhouse kitchen by a cheery
fire, rocking a cradle and darning stockings, as if she had done
nothing else all her life. Grey hair, skilfully drawn lines on the
forehead, and a plain gown, with cap, little shawl, and check apron,
changed her into a comfortable, motherly creature who found favour
the moment the curtain went up and discovered her rocking, darning,
and crooning an old song. In a short soliloquy about Sam, her boy,
who wanted to enlist; Dolly, her discontented little daughter, who
longed for city ease and pleasures; and poor ‘Elizy’, who had married
badly, and came home to die, bequeathing her baby to her mother, lest
its bad father should claim it, the little story was very simply
opened, and made effective by the real boiling of the kettle on the
crane, the ticking of a tall clock, and the appearance of a pair of
blue worsted shoes which waved fitfully in the air to the soft babble
of a baby’s voice. Those shapeless little shoes won the first
applause; and Mr Laurie, forgetting elegance in satisfaction,
whispered to his coadjutor:

‘I thought the baby would fetch them!’

‘If the dear thing won’t squall in the wrong place, we are saved. But
it is risky. Be ready to catch it if all Meg’s cuddlings prove in
vain,’ answered Mrs Jo, adding, with a clutch at Mr Laurie’s arm as a
haggard face appeared at the window:

‘Here’s Demi! I hope no one will recognize him when he comes on as
the son. I’ll never forgive you for not doing the villain yourself.’

‘Can’t run the thing and act too. He’s capitally made up, and likes a
bit of melodrama.’

‘This scene ought to have come later; but I wanted to show that the
mother was the heroine as soon as possible. I’m tired of love-sick
girls and runaway wives. We’ll prove that there’s romance in old
women also. Now he’s coming!’

And in slouched a degraded-looking man, shabby, unshaven, and
evil-eyed, trying to assume a masterful air as he dismayed the
tranquil old woman by demanding his child. A powerful scene followed;
and Mrs Meg surprised even those who knew her best by the homely
dignity with which she at first met the man she dreaded; then, as he
brutally pressed his claim, she pleaded with trembling voice and
hands to keep the little creature she had promised the dying mother
to protect; and when he turned to take it by force, quite a thrill
went through the house as the old woman sprung to snatch it from the
cradle, and holding it close, defied him in God’s name to tear it
from that sacred refuge. It was really well done; and the round of
applause that greeted the fine tableau of the indignant old woman,
the rosy, blinking baby clinging to her neck, and the daunted man who
dared not execute his evil purpose with such a defender for helpless
innocence, told the excited authors that their first scene was a hit.

The second was quieter, and introduced Josie as a bonny country lass
setting the supper-table in a bad humour. The pettish way in which
she slapped down the plates, hustled the cups, and cut the big brown
loaf, as she related her girlish trials and ambitions, was capital.
Mrs Jo kept her eye on Miss Cameron, and saw her nod approval several
times at some natural tone or gesture, some good bit of by-play or a
quick change of expression in the young face, which was as variable
as an April day. Her struggle with the toasting-fork made much
merriment; so did her contempt for the brown sugar, and the relish
with which she sweetened her irksome duties by eating it; and when
she sat, like Cinderella, on the hearth, tearfully watching the
flames dance on the homely room, a girlish voice was heard to exclaim
impulsively:

‘Poor little thing! she ought to have some fun!’

The old woman enters; and mother and daughter have a pretty scene, in
which the latter coaxes and threatens, kisses and cries, till she
wins the reluctant consent of the former to visit a rich relation in
the city; and from being a little thunder-cloud Dolly becomes
bewitchingly gay and good, as soon as her wilful wish is granted. The
poor old soul has hardly recovered from this trial when the son
enters, in army blue, tells he has enlisted and must go. That is a
hard blow; but the patriotic mother bears it well, and not till the
thoughtless young folks have hastened away to tell their good news
elsewhere does she break down. Then the country kitchen becomes
pathetic as the old mother sits alone mourning over her children,
till the grey head is hidden in the hands as she kneels down by the
cradle to weep and pray, with only Baby to comfort her fond and
faithful heart.

Sniffs were audible all through the latter part of this scene; and
when the curtain fell, people were so busy wiping their eyes that for
a moment they forgot to applaud. That silent moment was more
flattering than noise; and as Mrs Jo wiped the real tears off her
sister’s face, she said as solemnly as an unconscious dab of rouge on
her nose permitted:

‘Meg, you have saved my play! Oh, why aren’t you a real actress, and
I a real playwright?’

‘Don’t gush now, dear, but help me dress Josie; she’s in such a
quiver of excitement, I can’t manage her, and this is her best scene,
you know.’

So it was; for her aunt had written it especially for her, and little
Jo was happy in a gorgeous dress, with a train long enough to satisfy
her wildest dreams. The rich relation’s parlour was in festival
array, and the country cousin sails in, looking back at her sweeping
flounces with such artless rapture that no one had the heart to laugh
at the pretty jay in borrowed plumes. She has confidences with
herself in the mirror, from which it is made evident that she had
discovered all is not gold that glitters, and has found greater
temptations than those a girlish love of pleasure, luxury, and
flattery bring her. She is sought by a rich lover; but her honest
heart resists the allurements he offers, and in its innocent
perplexity wishes ‘mother’ was there to comfort and counsel.

A gay little dance, in which Dora, Nan, Bess, and several of the boys
took part, made a good background for the humble figure of the old
woman in her widow’s bonnet, rusty shawl, big umbrella, and basket.
Her naive astonishment, as she surveys the spectacle, feels the
curtains, and smooths her old gloves during the moment she remains
unseen, was very good; but Josie’s unaffected start when she sees
her, and the cry: ‘Why, there’s mother!’ was such a hearty little bit
of nature, it hardly needed the impatient tripping over her train as
she ran into the arms that seemed now to be her nearest refuge.

The lover plays his part; and ripples of merriment greeted the old
woman’s searching questions and blunt answers during the interview
which shows the girl how shallow his love is, and how near she had
been to ruining her life as bitterly as poor ‘Elizy’ did. She gives
her answer frankly, and when they are alone, looks from her own
bedizened self to the shabby dress, work-worn hands, and tender face,
crying with a repentant sob and kiss: ‘Take me home, mother, and keep
me safe. I’ve had enough of this!’

‘That will do you good, Maria; don’t forget it,’ said one lady to her
daughter as the curtain went down; and the girl answered: ‘Well, I’m
sure I don’t see why it’s touching; but it is,’ as she spread her
lace handkerchief to dry.

Tom and Nan came out strong in the next scene; for it was a ward in
an army hospital, and surgeon and nurse went from bed to bed, feeling
pulses, administering doses, and hearing complaints with an energy
and gravity which convulsed the audience. The tragic element, never
far from the comic at such times and places, came in when, while they
bandaged an arm, the doctor told the nurse about an old woman who was
searching through the hospital for her son, after days and nights on
battlefields, through ambulances, and among scenes which would have
killed most women.

‘She will be here directly, and I dread her coming, for I’m afraid
the poor lad who has just gone is her boy. I’d rather face a cannon
than these brave women, with their hope and courage and great
sorrow,’ says the surgeon.

‘Ah, these poor mothers break my heart!’ adds the nurse, wiping her
eyes on her big apron; and with the words Mrs Meg came in.

There was the same dress, the basket and umbrella, the rustic speech,
the simple manners; but all were made pathetic by the terrible
experience which had changed the tranquil old woman to that haggard
figure with wild eyes, dusty feet, trembling hands, and an expression
of mingled anguish, resolution, and despair which gave the homely
figure a tragic dignity and power that touched all hearts. A few
broken words told the story of her vain search, and then the sad
quest began again. People held their breath as, led by the nurse, she
went from bed to bed, showing in her face the alternations of hope,
dread, and bitter disappointment as each was passed. On a narrow cot
was a long figure covered with a sheet, and here she paused to lay
one hand on her heart and one on her eyes, as if to gather courage to
look at the nameless dead. Then she drew down the sheet, gave a long
shivering sigh of relief, saying softly:

‘Not my son, thank God! but some mother’s boy.’ And stooping down,
she kissed the cold forehead tenderly.

Somebody sobbed there, and Miss Cameron shook two tears out of her
eyes, anxious to lose no look or gesture as the poor soul, nearly
spent with the long strain, struggled on down the long line. But her
search was happily ended for, as if her voice had roused him from his
feverish sleep, a gaunt, wild-eyed man sat up in his bed, and
stretching his arms to her, cried in a voice that echoed through the
room:

‘Mother, mother! I knew you’d come to me!’

She did go to him, with a cry of love and joy that thrilled every
listener, as she gathered him in her arms with the tears and prayers
and blessing such as only a fond and faithful old mother could give.

The last scene was a cheerful contrast to this; for the country
kitchen was bright with Christmas cheer, the wounded hero, with black
patch and crutches well displayed, sat by the fire in the old chair
whose familiar creak was soothing to his ear; pretty Dolly was
stirring about, gaily trimming dresser, settle, high chimney-piece,
and old-fashioned cradle with mistletoe and holly; while the mother
rested beside her son, with that blessed baby on her knee. Refreshed
by a nap and nourishment, this young actor now covered himself with
glory by his ecstatic prancings, incoherent remarks to the audience,
and vain attempts to get to the footlights, as he blinked approvingly
at these brilliant toys. It was good to see Mrs Meg pat him on the
back, cuddle the fat legs out of sight, and appease his vain longings
with a lump of sugar, till Baby embraced her with a grateful ardour
that brought him a round of applause all for his little self.

A sound of singing outside disturbs the happy family, and, after a
carol in the snowy moonlight, a flock of neighbours troop in with
Christmas gifts and greetings. Much by-play made this a lively
picture; for Sam’s sweetheart hovered round him with a tenderness the
Marquise did not show the Baron; and Dolly had a pretty bit under the
mistletoe with her rustic adorer, who looked so like Ham Peggotty in
his cowhide boots, rough jacket, and dark beard and wig, that no one
would have recognized Ted but for the long legs, which no extent of
leather could disguise. It ended with a homely feast, brought by the
guests; and as they sat round the table covered with doughnuts and
cheese, pumpkin-pie, and other delicacies, Sam rises on his crutches
to propose the first toast, and holding up his mug of cider, says,
with a salute, and a choke in his voice: ‘Mother, God bless her!’ All
drink it standing, Dolly with her arm round the old woman’s neck, as
she hides her happy tears on her daughter’s breast; while the
irrepressible baby beat rapturously on the table with a spoon, and
crowed audibly as the curtain went down.

They had it up again in a jiffy to get a last look at the group about
that central figure, which was showered with bouquets, to the great
delight of the infant Roscius; till a fat rosebud hit him on the
nose, and produced the much-dreaded squall, which, fortunately, only
added to the fun at that moment.

‘Well, that will do for a beginning,’ said Beaumont, with a sigh of
relief, as the curtain descended for the last time, and the actors
scattered to dress for the closing piece.

‘As an experiment, it is a success. Now we can venture to begin our
great American drama,’ answered Mrs Jo, full of satisfaction and
grand ideas for the famous play – which, we may add, she did not write
that year, owing to various dramatic events in her own family.

The Owlsdark Marbles closed the entertainment, and, being something
new, proved amusing to this very indulgent audience. The gods and
goddesses on Parnassus were displayed in full conclave; and, thanks
to Mrs Amy’s skill in draping and posing, the white wigs and
cotton-flannel robes were classically correct and graceful, though
sundry modern additions somewhat marred the effect, while adding
point to the showman’s learned remarks. Mr Laurie was Professor
Owlsdark in cap and gown; and, after a high-flown introduction, he
proceeded to exhibit and explain his marbles. The first figure was a
stately Minerva; but a second glance produced a laugh, for the words
‘Women’s Rights’ adorned her shield, a scroll bearing the motto ‘Vote
early and often’ hung from the beak of the owl perched on her lance,
and a tiny pestle and mortar ornamented her helmet. Attention was
drawn to the firm mouth, the piercing eye, the awe-inspiring brow, of
the strong-minded woman of antiquity, and some scathing remarks made
upon the degeneracy of her modern sisters who failed to do their
duty. Mercury came next, and was very fine in his airy attitude,
though the winged legs quivered as if it was difficult to keep the
lively god in his place. His restless nature was dilated upon, his
mischievous freaks alluded to, and a very bad character given to the
immortal messenger-boy; which delighted his friends and caused the
marble nose of the victim to curl visibly with scorn when derisive
applause greeted a particularly hard hit. A charming little Hebe
stood next, pouring nectar from a silver teapot into a blue china
tea-cup. She also pointed a moral; for the Professor explained that
the nectar of old was the beverage which cheers but does not
inebriate, and regretted that the excessive devotion of American
women to this classic brew proved so harmful, owing to the great
development of brain their culture produced. A touch at modern
servants, in contrast to this accomplished table-girl, made the
statue’s cheeks glow under the chalk, and brought her a hearty round
as the audience recognized Dolly and the smart soubrette.

Jove in all his majesty followed, as he and his wife occupied the
central pedestals in the half-circle of immortals. A splendid
Jupiter, with hair well set up off the fine brow, ambrosial beard,
silver thunderbolts in one hand, and a well-worn ferule in the other.
A large stuffed eagle from the museum stood at his feet; and the
benign expression of his august countenance showed that he was in a
good humour – as well he might be, for he was paid some handsome
compliments upon his wise rule, the peaceful state of his kingdom,
and the brood of all-accomplished Pallases that yearly issued from
his mighty brain. Cheers greeted this and other pleasant words, and
caused the thunderer to bow his thanks; for ‘Jove nods’, as everyone
knows, and flattery wins the heart of gods and men.

Mrs Juno, with her peacocks, darning-needle, pen, and cooking-spoon,
did not get off so easily; for the Professor was down on her with all
manner of mirth-provoking accusations, criticisms, and insults even.
He alluded to her domestic infelicity, her meddlesome disposition,
sharp tongue, bad temper, and jealousy, closing, however, with a
tribute to her skill in caring for the wounds and settling the
quarrels of belligerent heroes, as well as her love for youths in
Olympus and on earth. Gales of laughter greeted these hits, varied by
hisses from some indignant boys, who would not bear, even in joke,
any disrespect to dear Mother Bhaer, who, however, enjoyed it all
immensely, as the twinkle in her eye and the irrepressible pucker of
her lips betrayed.

A jolly Bacchus astride of his cask took Vulcan’s place, and appeared
to be very comfortable with a beer-mug in one hand, a champagne
bottle in the other, and a garland of grapes on his curly head. He
was the text of a short temperance lecture, aimed directly at a row
of smart young gentlemen who lined the walls of the auditorium.
George Cole was seen to dodge behind a pillar at one point, Dolly
nudged his neighbour at another, and there was laughter all along the
line as the Professor glared at them through his big glasses, and
dragged their bacchanalian orgies to the light and held them up to
scorn.

Seeing the execution he had done, the learned man turned to the
lovely Diana, who stood as white and still as the plaster stag beside
her, with sandals, bow, and crescent; quite perfect, and altogether
the best piece of statuary in the show. She was very tenderly treated
by the paternal critic who, merely alluding to her confirmed
spinsterhood, fondness for athletic sports, and oracular powers, gave
a graceful little exposition of true art and passed on to the last
figure.

This was Apollo in full fig, his curls skilfully arranged to hide a
well-whitened patch over the eye, his handsome legs correctly poised,
and his gifted fingers about to draw divine music from the silvered
gridiron which was his lyre. His divine attributes were described, as
well as his little follies and failings, among which were his
weakness for photography and flute-playing, his attempts to run a
newspaper, and his fondness for the society of the Muses; which
latter slap produced giggles and blushes among the girl-graduates,
and much mirth among the stricken youths; for misery loves company,
and after this they began to rally.

Then, with a ridiculous conclusion, the Professor bowed his thanks;
and after several recalls the curtain fell, but not quickly enough to
conceal Mercury, wildly waving his liberated legs, Hebe dropping her
teapot, Bacchus taking a lovely roll on his barrel, and Mrs Juno
rapping the impertinent Owlsdark on the head with Jove’s ruler.

While the audience filed out to supper in the hall, the stage was a
scene of dire confusion as gods and goddesses, farmers and barons,
maids and carpenters, congratulated one another on the success of
their labours. Assuming various costumes, actors and actresses soon
joined their guests, to sip bounteous draughts of praise with their
coffee, and cool their modest blushes with ice-cream. Mrs Meg was a
proud and happy woman when Miss Cameron came to her as she sat by
Josie, with Demi serving both, and said, so cordially that it was
impossible to doubt the sincerity of her welcome words:

‘Mrs Brooke, I no longer wonder where your children get their talent.
I make my compliments to the Baron and next summer you must let me
have little "Dolly" as a pupil when we are at the beach.’

One can easily imagine how this offer was received, as well as the
friendly commendation bestowed by the same kind critic on the work of
Beaumont and Fletcher, who hastened to explain that this trifle was
only an attempt to make nature and art go hand in hand, with little
help from fine writing or imposing scenery. Everybody was in the
happiest mood, especially ‘little Dolly’, who danced like a
will-o’-the-wisp with light-footed Mercury and Apollo as he
promenaded with the Marquise on his arm, who seemed to have left her
coquetry in the green room with her rouge.

When all was over, Mrs Juno said to Jove, to whose arm she clung as
they trudged home along the snowy paths: ‘Fritz dear, Christmas is a
good time for new resolutions, and I’ve made one never to be
impatient or fretful with my beloved husband again. I know I am,
though you won’t own it; but Laurie’s fun had some truth in it, and I
felt hit in a tender spot. Henceforth I am a model wife, else I don’t
deserve the dearest, best man ever born’; and being in a dramatic
mood, Mrs Juno tenderly embraced her excellent Jove in the moonlight,
to the great amusement of sundry lingerers behind them.

So all three plays might be considered successes, and that merry
Christmas night a memorable one in the March family; for Demi got an
unspoken question answered, Josie’s fondest wish was granted, and,
thanks to Professor Owlsdark’s jest, Mrs Jo made Professor Bhaer’s
busy life quite a bed of roses by the keeping of her resolution. A
few days later she had her reward for this burst of virtue in Dan’s
letter, which set her fears at rest and made her very happy, though
she was unable to tell him so, because he sent her no address.